Sitt ad-Daar

I dont think its bizzare though, because as long as they are wanting to marry someone for the sake of Allaah wether it be the 2nd 3rd or 4th it doesnt really matter.

__________________

fatimahye

but isn't that the opposite point?

originally it was that they were trying to marry as the 3rd or 4th to avoid pain and be more comfortable (as opposed to being 1st or 2nd) and that's why it did matter since they were specifically trying to marry in that order?

i am totally not understanding you now (sorry)

__________________

Sitt ad-Daar

I was giving an example, for example the 2 hardest spots of most women are the 1st and 2nd IN my humble opinion.

and then its easier being the 3rd and 4th, as the 3rd will come in on calm water because the 1st and 2nd would have gotten used to it.

but just then i was replying to the bizzare issue of aiming to be 3rd or 4th and hey what the heck i threw in 2nd..

thats my opinion, bizzarish numbish weridish

eh thats me :D

__________________

Sitt ad-Daar

tottaly off topic when i used to read that al bazzaar reported taht fulaan wa fulaan said.. something it would remind me of the word bizarre

how bizarre how bizzare

__________________

fatimahye

ok so you weren't really being sarcastic then?

i do understand the situation and dynamics of 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc. and i agree with your analysis - i think everyone would agree with it

but i guess i just thought if a muslim wants for her sister what she wants for herself would she specifically try to be a man's 3rd or 4th wife when she herself would not prefer to be the 1st or 2nd? that's where i was coming from

and yes that was totally off topic :D

__________________

Sitt ad-Daar

no i was being sarcastic about the advice thingy but its still my opinion i wouldnt advise others to follow my opinion though


and about the wanting thing, subhan'Allaah

yah thats kinda true actually.. oi u got me there

__________________

fatimahye

no like i said mashallah i've known you in a limited context and subhanallah at least i think that you would even be a gracious 1st or 2nd wife so at least i don't see that as hypocritical

yet the examples i had in mind- these sisters made me quite disgusted actually - where they would have died had they been the 1st wife (and would be quite outspoken of it with the cons of polygamy etc.) yet they were only too eager to be the 2nd on someone else!

so that's what reminded me of it

(i'll shut up now)

__________________

Sitt ad-Daar

yes women are dodgy

__________________

fatimahye

don't forget emotional

__________________

daniel aljughaifi

I think that any muslim wa muslimah should relize that any hardship can be made into great rewards in this life and hearafter.

Allah says:"Do they think they think they will be left alone saying; "we believe" and they will not be tested? We indeed tested those who came before them, and we will make it known those who are truthful and those who are liers."

Allah(swt) even makes it known how seirous He is by saying by saying "wa la qad"(Sister Shajaa3ah can explain it better I am sure of that).

Point is; it is a test is it not? If it is then Who else is it from other than Allah(swt)? So why not take it and make it good by being patiant and bearing and induring. Allah (swt) loves the patiant.

This is all just an advise for any sisters that might find themselves in the position.

I think men as well as woman are to blam for us growing up with this warped understanding that poligamy is bad.(yes I said bad, I hate it when people say "I never said it was bad". yet they completely abhore it in there speach and it's so obvious from there spiteful remarks about it.

Men can't seem to ever do it right either. I hear of brothers acting like they are retarded when they get another wife. I have heard of them compairing there wifes infront of there co-wifes. Completely being unjust by not splitting time correctly at all. And most of all not having any compasion over the fact that it hurts to see your loved one leave to another(something I am learning about).

But sisters are also to blame. For being so obviously affected by the new femenist trend of Islam. Loving there husbands to much(a fact our sister Fatimahye pointed out). Wanting to follow Islam theorecticly not practicly(I mean this is this specific situation).

I here so much of sisters defeding poligamy when it is bashed(cause it is part of our religion and there is no escaping that). Yet when it hits them personaly they hate it completely. Many will say the often heard excuse:"I just don't like it for myself".

Well I could say the same about Sadaqah. Just imagen me saying:"Sadaqah is this and it's that, oh mashaAllah Sadaqah is so good for society". Then when my wife says:"let us give Sadaqah oh husband" I say:"hell no!!! I think it's good and fine cause Allah says it is, but I don't like it for myself!!!"
What would you think of me???

Just some reflections I had...Now I leave you the flesh of my back for those who wish to eat.

__________________