Abu Muqatil

"Picking a mate is similar to picking a job..."
Insightful words from Dr. John Gray (may Allah guide him). From:-

Mars and Venus: Starting Over
John Gray
Product Details:
Paperback 256 pages (July 23, 1998)
Publisher: Vermilion
Language: English
ISBN: 0091816270

Standard disclaimers apply. And Allah knows best.

Attached Thumbnails

 

__________________

Ukht Islaami

That's obvious, some successful marriages lasted without love, too.

__________________

Abu Muqatil

jazaakumullaah khayran for your positive answer. Please do give details.

__________________

daniel aljughaifi

Marriage is like a job:

You can have a job and not love it, yet you still work there all your life and benefit from it.

Or

You can have a job and love it, yet you are only there for a time.

Or vice versa

Neither are guaranteed but one is easier on the soul than the other. It is up to the one getting married wich is easyer on you and wich is not...

__________________

Ukht Islaami

It may seem positive to you, but it is not positive to me. Who would want a loveless marriage? I mean it happens, but a marriage like that is just more of a curse, in my opinion, that is.

A successful marriage depends on the an individual's view of what the term "successful" means. Some term a successful marriage to be a marriage that lasts till death, some term it as a marriage that kinders love, others by amount of children, happiness, money, loyalty and trust, attraction that never dies, and most people think that you must have all of these combined to define a successful marriage. In reality though, you dont need all of these, you just need one factor from one spouse, in the least. And this usually takes place with a force such as maternal love, not spousal love.

Now lets say you have a woman who was married off young to a guy she despises, but she couldnt do anything about it. The guy used to beat her, imprecate her, and treat her like ****, but she had no one to help her and remained patient. Meanwhile she gets pregnant, bears children, and comes to the realization that she must put up with this man to insure her children's future (call it maternal love, if you want), and eventually she puts up with her husband's constant abuse and remains married to him till death, never loving him an ounce.

Some would say this was a successful marriage, and some wouldn't. Some would say it wasnt, cause there wasnt love from both parties or one party. Other would bring the issue of treatment and respect in. And, at the same time, others would say it lasted, they had kids who were raised happily, and would deem it successful. It all depends.

__________________

Qudsiyah

One of my best friends was forced into some marriage, after that she loved him and he claimed to have loved her, then he became a _______ , and now she is getting devorced at a young age. Shes thankful she didnt have kids for him though ..

Neon Knight

I believe it is better that the propspective spouses know a bit about each other before marriage. I personally am agains "subcontinental style" arranged marriages. As far as successful marriage goes Love or 'comaptiblity' is very important potent. It is not the only factor though. Actually other factors pertaining to marriage sprout from the love in the first place and contirbute towards nurturing the nupital contract.
If husband and wife are not easy with each other, they will be hesitant in sharing many factors of life with each other.
A marriage without love may survive but it is utterly miserable and i mean it when i say miserable. The condition of the relationship may improve as time goes but it still remains dry.
After in islam both spouses are suppose to find satisfaction in each other and feel contentment when they look at each other. This contentment is not limited to just 'love' as such because there is no love without action that lead to it and that nurture it further.
So if they love each other they will be willing to help each other and respect each other and live in a mutual satisfaction.

Marriage without love can survive. Ofcourse it can survive. Some women tend to stick (as someone mentioned earlier) due to the children. The marriage itself remains hollow.
Other women stay because they dont know their 'rights' and are scared of their abusive husbands. However marriage without some sort of affection is worthless and adversely affects the children aswell. When the children grow up they have hard time socializing.

Obviously love is not enough BUT other factors that contribute towards a successful marriage cannot be completely realized without some sort of affection.

mak ibn adam

I just think its amazingly sad how in the "Muslim" world we have so many forced marriages and so many end up in divorce, abuse, sometimes murder as in the case of those retarded honour killings in Pakistan.

daniel aljughaifi

I am now wondering how many of us are even married on this thread? And if so;for how many years?

__________________

hijab_OurCivilRight

Asalam alaykum



Something which might work for me might not work for you. My sister can live, not like but live in marriage minus love whereas I can't. Love is the most important ingredient for successful marriage. A lot of people mentioned that marriage minus love is dull and pretty miserable, I wouldn’t call that successful marriage that’s more like trying to survive for sake of keeping people together. Love leads way to trust, respect and understanding. You’d have to have some sort of similar interests and outlook on life to fallen in love in the first place.



Wallahu alim

Wasalam

-Umm Nuh-